TIMMY!'s Top Headlines

 
bwwwwwhahahahahaha - I told Scott Peterson he should have hired a black attorney.
Signed,
O.J. Simpson


bashdk....and ib luuuk keed mahhh.....uiotty grrrrching.....I'm beauuuutiful
Signed,
Anna Nicole Smith

We're having a church potluck to celebrate our state's first library.
Signed,
Billy Ray, citizen of Arkansas



TIMMY!'s Top Headlines

At the Press Conference of Colin Powell's resignation from Secretary of State, Colin was "shooting the shit" with reporters before cameras rolled and said, "The whole WMD's in Iraq thing....my bad."

Two paparazzi's are suing Cameron Diaz for assault and battery and for stealing their property (cameras). If a skinny Cameron Diaz kicks your ass and takes your camera from you like a big bully taking your lunch money in 4th grade while you sit in the corner and cry....you're a fucking pussy. Seriously, a non-pussy would have paid Cameron Diaz to keep her trap shut instead of suing her even if she does have a black belt in martial arts. A real man would never admit to Cameron Diaz giving him a black eye unless she was riding him like a cowboy and got carried away and slapped him while she was having an orgasm.

When Kobe Bryant walked on stage at the American Music Awards, the LA crowd booed him mercilessly and demanded that Kobe buy everyone in the crowd a 4 million dollar ring. Pulling a Hugh Grant and getting a blow job by a skank when you have a beautiful wife at home, and then taking a power house championship team and flushing it down the toilet by bitching like a paparazzi to get the coach fired and to get the most dominating 7 foot 350 ib center in the league traded was more than the LA crowd could handle.


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As you've been able to tell, I've been really inconsistent here. I haven't even been able to read my blogs that I enjoy reading. I've been sooooo busy doing things that I would prefer not to talk about.

Arggh....this whole "i'm busy thing" is frustrating because I have a lot of good things to write about but I just don't have the time during my day. I have to get my old post I wrote off of my old computer and post it up before it doesn't make any sense at all since I wrote it right after the election, and I need to get some type of old word processor or anything I can use to write at home so I can save to a disk. Maybe I need to revert back to my natural Mexican urges and go steal a new computer.

So again...I'll leave you with a fun game until I get my head out of my ass and figure out a way to keep writing my kick ass nobody rocks like me stories.

Name That Film

And finally...happy belated birthday to Pisser.

Status Elevated - Be Prepared

 
Happy 229th Birthday to the United States Marine Corps. Thank you for all you do so I can sleep peacefully and safe at night.

Semper Fi!

Major fighting has been going on with the ground attack on Fallujah with a swift capture of over 70% of the city in Iraq. Analyst believe that most of the "evil do-ers" fled the city before the siege to carry on at a later time.

Three relatives of Iraqi's Prime Minister have been kidnapped demanding that the siege be lifted or, as a Disney Animation villain would say, "OFF WITH THEIR HEADS!"

The abduction is part of a campaign of violence aimed at opening a "second front" to divert the troops of the Iraqi army and US from Fallujah.

Because of the possible threat of a "second front" I believe it is vital for everyone to be "Ready" for some kind of an attack on our homeland. I have an old email that went out after 9/11 from Red and I believe it is necessary to re-post this.

I have changed some of them, and added more.

Don't be stupid - be prepared - Be Ready!





If you accidentally set yourself on fire with your crack pipe, do not run



If you spot terrorism, blow your anti-terrorism whistle. If you are Vin Diesel, yell really loud.



If you spot a terrorist arrow, pin it against the wall with your shoulder



If you are sprayed with an unknown substance, stand and think about a cool design for a new tattoo.



Use your flashlight to lift the walls right off of you!



The proper way to eliminate smallpox is to wash with soap, water and at least one(1) armless hand.



Michael Jackson is a terrorist. If you spot this smooth criminal with dead, dead eyes, run the hell away.



Hurricanes, animal corpses and your potential new tattoo have a lot in common. Think about it.



Be on the lookout for terrorists with pinkeye and leprosy. Also, they tend to rub their hands together maniacally.



If a door is closed, karate chop it open.



Try to absorb as much of the radiation as possible with your groin region. After 5 minutes and 12 seconds, however, you may become sterile



After exposure to radiation it is important to consider that you may have mutated to gigantic dimensions: watch your head.



If you've become a radiation mutant with a deformed hand, remember to close the window. No one wants to see that shit.



If you hear the Backstreet Boys, Michael Bolton or Ashlee Simpson on the radio, cower in the corner or run like hell.



If you accidentally fart in public, pretend like you twisted your ankle.



If you are trapped under falling debris, conserve oxygen by not farting.



Though tempting, do not ignite your significant other's closet on fire.



Make sure to post signs larger than your upper torso for easy reading



If you lose a contact lens during a chemical attack, do not stop to look for it.



Where ever you are during a nuclear explosion, you will be in a direct line of sight of the exit.



Perform the Universal "I'm Choking" hold if you have a bad acid trip



Do not drive a stations wagon if a power pole is protruding from the hood.



If debris falls during a terrorist attack, stop cybering and cower underneath your desk.



After a bio-chemical attack, make sure to hold hands with your best friend and two midgets.



If a family member is exposed to radiation, touch him/her and watch yourself levitate.



Make sure to store two low carb bananas in your car for emergencies.



A one-inch thick piece of plywood should be sufficient protection against radiation.



Do not under any circumstance re-enter a house on fire to obtain your Paris Hilton Sex Video.



If a radiation explosion happens in your neighborhood, be safe and walk across the street from the location of the blast.



Always remember to carry food with you during a terrorist attack. At least you'll be able to enjoy a nice coke and apple before you die.



Prepare yourself and your family from a biochemical attack by taping plastic over all air ventilation. Suffocation is better than growing an extra eye on your forehead.




For More Information - Please visit Ready.gov

Short Update

 
I've been extremely busy with work and I got really sick....like, really, really sick.

I hooked up an old computer at home and typed out a post...my post was kick ass because everything I write is kick ass....but now I can't get the damn diskette to work in the piece of shit computer so I'm left with nothing. What the fuck!?!?!?!


No, seriously, what the fuck?

I don't even know how to fix it because the computer is so old....dammit

In the mean time, here are some pictures from a Pimp n Ho Party I went to the day before Halloween. First, check out the old picture of the Law Firm Clique I drew in my Law Firm Clique post so you can compare my kick ass drawing to the real people and the uncanny resemblance in my art.

Julie McCoy & Chad The Token White Guy

Yoko Ono (formerly Fashion Sunshine) & Chad The Token White Guy

Black Magnum & Yoko Ono (formerly Fashion Sunshine)

Chad The Token White Guy

and TIMMY!

Also check out the main webpage for the Friday models.

While you're waiting for me to figure out my computer at home, play this game...so fun - thanks to Nanci for this game. You got to walk your drunk ass home - farthest I've gotten was 74 meters.