Status Elevated - Be Prepared

 
Happy 229th Birthday to the United States Marine Corps. Thank you for all you do so I can sleep peacefully and safe at night.

Semper Fi!

Major fighting has been going on with the ground attack on Fallujah with a swift capture of over 70% of the city in Iraq. Analyst believe that most of the "evil do-ers" fled the city before the siege to carry on at a later time.

Three relatives of Iraqi's Prime Minister have been kidnapped demanding that the siege be lifted or, as a Disney Animation villain would say, "OFF WITH THEIR HEADS!"

The abduction is part of a campaign of violence aimed at opening a "second front" to divert the troops of the Iraqi army and US from Fallujah.

Because of the possible threat of a "second front" I believe it is vital for everyone to be "Ready" for some kind of an attack on our homeland. I have an old email that went out after 9/11 from Red and I believe it is necessary to re-post this.

I have changed some of them, and added more.

Don't be stupid - be prepared - Be Ready!





If you accidentally set yourself on fire with your crack pipe, do not run



If you spot terrorism, blow your anti-terrorism whistle. If you are Vin Diesel, yell really loud.



If you spot a terrorist arrow, pin it against the wall with your shoulder



If you are sprayed with an unknown substance, stand and think about a cool design for a new tattoo.



Use your flashlight to lift the walls right off of you!



The proper way to eliminate smallpox is to wash with soap, water and at least one(1) armless hand.



Michael Jackson is a terrorist. If you spot this smooth criminal with dead, dead eyes, run the hell away.



Hurricanes, animal corpses and your potential new tattoo have a lot in common. Think about it.



Be on the lookout for terrorists with pinkeye and leprosy. Also, they tend to rub their hands together maniacally.



If a door is closed, karate chop it open.



Try to absorb as much of the radiation as possible with your groin region. After 5 minutes and 12 seconds, however, you may become sterile



After exposure to radiation it is important to consider that you may have mutated to gigantic dimensions: watch your head.



If you've become a radiation mutant with a deformed hand, remember to close the window. No one wants to see that shit.



If you hear the Backstreet Boys, Michael Bolton or Ashlee Simpson on the radio, cower in the corner or run like hell.



If you accidentally fart in public, pretend like you twisted your ankle.



If you are trapped under falling debris, conserve oxygen by not farting.



Though tempting, do not ignite your significant other's closet on fire.



Make sure to post signs larger than your upper torso for easy reading



If you lose a contact lens during a chemical attack, do not stop to look for it.



Where ever you are during a nuclear explosion, you will be in a direct line of sight of the exit.



Perform the Universal "I'm Choking" hold if you have a bad acid trip



Do not drive a stations wagon if a power pole is protruding from the hood.



If debris falls during a terrorist attack, stop cybering and cower underneath your desk.



After a bio-chemical attack, make sure to hold hands with your best friend and two midgets.



If a family member is exposed to radiation, touch him/her and watch yourself levitate.



Make sure to store two low carb bananas in your car for emergencies.



A one-inch thick piece of plywood should be sufficient protection against radiation.



Do not under any circumstance re-enter a house on fire to obtain your Paris Hilton Sex Video.



If a radiation explosion happens in your neighborhood, be safe and walk across the street from the location of the blast.



Always remember to carry food with you during a terrorist attack. At least you'll be able to enjoy a nice coke and apple before you die.



Prepare yourself and your family from a biochemical attack by taping plastic over all air ventilation. Suffocation is better than growing an extra eye on your forehead.




For More Information - Please visit Ready.gov