Everyone But Me Should Go To Hell
I have been really busy lately with the Quarter ending and what not. I haven't even made my daily rounds to my favorite blogs.... surprisingly they expect me to work. If you want my work done, then I suggest you hire my interns back, okay? Great, thanks.
It hasn't helped at all that I now have to do the work of 3 people because of inconsiderate pricks.
Esss letta me esplain.
Lee National Denim Day is this Friday, October 8, 2004. Lee National Denim Day is an annual event sponsored by Lee Jeans to raise awareness and funds for the battle against breast cancer. The Susan G. Komen Breast Cancer Foundation receives 100% of all donations.
I am the coordinator for my Law Firm for this program. I registered my firm, and I will be the one collecting the donations.
I've been asked why I'm doing this. Why am I coordinating this for my firm?
Besides the obvious that I'm a better person than you, my firm use to have a coordinator every year who did it, and I always stepped to collect money from my office to help out the coordinator at that time. She left the firm, and last year, no one did it.
So this year, I took it upon myself to do it. I was given an opportunity to do something to help others, and I'm doing it.
My firm has a total of 7 offices nation wide including the one I'm in. So I sent an email to the firm letting them know about National Lee Denim Day and if you would like to donate $5 you'll receive a pink ribbon pin. I also asked for the other 6 offices to have a coordinator for each office so it would make collecting the money easier for the offices.
Out of the 6 offices, only 3 offices had someone step up willing to help me collect money. I sent the following email out to the office I'm in and to the other 3 offices that didn't offer any help:
To: Recipients
From: TIMMY!
Subject: National Lee Denim Day 10/8/2004
I'll be making my rounds in my office in the next two days to collect the donations.
If you are from the Southern Office, Eastern Office, or the Northern Office, please send me your money or checks (made payable to the Susan G. Komen Foundation) to me directly via interoffice envelope since no one in your office wants to help me raise money for a good cause. Make sure to put a note if you send cash, so I know who to send the pink ribbon too.
Thanks!
TIMMY!
and then I included my original email that I had sent out.
Notice my little snide remark, "since no one in your office wants to help me raise money for a good cause."
Did you catch that?
I work for Patent Attorneys.
Patent Attorneys are Engineers with Law Degrees.
They are really fun and have a great personality....they are party animals. w00t
Well, that's what I thought anyways and let me be the first to tell you that if you were assuming that they would love to get drunk on a regular basis and have 3somes, you'd be wrong.
Dead Wrong.
As in, Rodney Dangerfield wrong.
My innocent little comment in my email caused a few attorneys to email our Managing Human Resource Partner in the firm. He had a "talk" with me regarding it.
He didn't care because he actually is the exception to the rule of boring no life patent attorneys. He just wanted me to know about it and to keep my tone down in the future.
He needed to do his job and police me, the criminal.
How about instead of sending an email to our Managing Partner, why don't send an email to me stating that you would like to help me out raise money? What? You want to go to hell because you enjoy being a fucking prick? Oh okay, I'm sorry.
It is then that I told the Managing Partner that I did tone it down because I didn't think it would be appropriate to put in my email:
I am completely disgusted with you pricks for not wanting to assist me in raising money for a good cause, thus creating more work that I don't fucking need at the end of the quarter you inconsiderate jerks.
p.s.
Send your donations directly to me
That is what I wanted to write, because in the end it creates a big headache for me when I'm getting individual checks from various people from different offices, and cash with a fucking post-it note. Yeah, I actually got cash with a post-it on it....people, at least put it in a Goddamn envelope so it doesn't get lost. If people from each office had helped me, it would have saved me approximately 7 minutes out of my day if I didn't have to deal with this extra work load.
You might not think that 7 minutes is a long time, but it is....it's like 3 hours when you convert it to cyber time and that my gentle readers is a lot. In 7 minutes, I could bring you a kick ass post with great pictures, but instead, I'm posting about lazy assholes who won't help me raise money and how they complained about one fucking sentence in an email I sent out.
Do you see?
We all suffer.
So you, my gentle readers, should be just as pissed off as I am at this current situation.
While we're on the subject, lets divulge a little further into this subject of donating and what not.
I have had some really wonderful people donating money for National Lee Denim Day; however, I have also ran into people who have said no and immediately looked the other way when I ask them.
Okay, so I may say my line like the Orlando Jones character in the movie Office Space when he's acting as a crack head selling magazines sounding a little something like this:
"Hi. I was. Wondering. Ummm. I was. Hoping. That. You. Would. Donate. To The. Ummm. Susan. Ummm. G. Kooooomen Foundation. To. Help. Support. Brrrrrreast. Cancer. Ummm. Awareness."
And then I smile.
Not my Clark Gable smile....more like a "I use to be a crackhead head so can ya help a beaner out" smile.
Even though I asked in a boring way, you could....no....you SHOULD donate money to the fucking Breast Cancer Research. Even if it is $1 U.S. dollar. You need to donate when given the opportunity okay? It is that simple...I'm giving you a chance to do something, even though small, a chance to do something great.
You're a fucking prick if you didn't donate.
"But TIMMY!, wait, I ran a marathon....or I did the walk-a-thon for Breast Cancer."
Yeah, and?
So let me get this straight, you are the type of person to do the absolute minimum? Is that it?
I'm giving you an opportunity to donate money while I calculate everything, package it all up and send it while the hardest thing you have to do is to reach into your pocket and pull some money out. You don't want to do that because you've done something else to help out?
Well kudos to you.
You're a fucking prick too.
"You don't understand TIMMY!, money is really tight for me, I have to budget very carefully and I live paycheck to paycheck."
40,000 women in the U.S. will die this year from this disease and I'm standing before you willing to do all the work while you just reach into your pocket and give me something...anything. And you have the nerve to tell me that money is tight?
You're a fucking prick.
I've never known anyone who has gone through chemo or any other horrible things that cancer patients go through, I was there when my ex-aunt-in-law celebrated 5 years of cancer freedom, but I don't really know. I've been exposed to it though, and if I have an opportunity to help - I will.
If you're a person that doesn't know anybody with breast cancer and/or cancer period, you may not have a great desire to help out, but if I'm standing right before you willing to do all the hard work, you have no reason not to help out.
It's like Christopher Reeve - he's a fucking prick too. He opened up a paralysis foundation after he had his accident. What did he do for quadriplegics before that?
Exactly....he's a fucking prick.
He had a perfect opportunity too when he was exposed to quadriplegics when he did the film "Above Suspicion" in 1995. If you don't know the movie, here is the description:
When a dedicated and decorated cop (Christopher Reeve) falls prey to a drug dealer's bullet and is paralyzed for life, his brother (Joe Mantegna) and wife (Kim Cattrall) begin fooling around. A $1 million insurance policy further fuels Reeve's suspicions and rage, which ultimately explode in a vengeful -- and mysterious -- crime where everyone is a suspect.
He was exposed to paralysis but still did nothing.
God knew this and told that horse to stop instead of jumping throwing Reeve over the horses' head snapping his neck. He was teaching that little prick a lesson.
I know without a shadow of a doubt that if Christopher Reeve had done something for quadriplegics he wouldn't be sounding like Darth Vadar right now with a one way ticket to hell.
I have a friend who will be going to Heidi Bakers Orphanages in Mozambique, this November. I made a public posting requesting specific items that he could take with him that he could hand out. Not necessarily new items - used items are okay.
The items being requested are as follows:
Boys:
Soccer Balls
Foot Balls
Basket Balls
Decks of Cards
Girls:
Baby Dolls (Dark Skinned)
Barbie Dolls (Dark Skinned)
I've had a total of 3 people give me items to give to my friend.
3 people from a total of about 100 people in my office.
Do you know what that means? That means that 97 people are fucking pricks in my office and will end up starving with no toys in Africa with a one way ticket to hell. Don't believe me? See example of Christopher Reeve above to prove my point.
Unless you want to become a starving quadriplegic in Africa with no toys who has breast cancer, I suggest you do something when given the opportunity to do something.
Don't be a fucking prick.
It hasn't helped at all that I now have to do the work of 3 people because of inconsiderate pricks.
Esss letta me esplain.
Lee National Denim Day is this Friday, October 8, 2004. Lee National Denim Day is an annual event sponsored by Lee Jeans to raise awareness and funds for the battle against breast cancer. The Susan G. Komen Breast Cancer Foundation receives 100% of all donations.
I am the coordinator for my Law Firm for this program. I registered my firm, and I will be the one collecting the donations.
I've been asked why I'm doing this. Why am I coordinating this for my firm?
Besides the obvious that I'm a better person than you, my firm use to have a coordinator every year who did it, and I always stepped to collect money from my office to help out the coordinator at that time. She left the firm, and last year, no one did it.
So this year, I took it upon myself to do it. I was given an opportunity to do something to help others, and I'm doing it.
My firm has a total of 7 offices nation wide including the one I'm in. So I sent an email to the firm letting them know about National Lee Denim Day and if you would like to donate $5 you'll receive a pink ribbon pin. I also asked for the other 6 offices to have a coordinator for each office so it would make collecting the money easier for the offices.
Out of the 6 offices, only 3 offices had someone step up willing to help me collect money. I sent the following email out to the office I'm in and to the other 3 offices that didn't offer any help:
To: Recipients
From: TIMMY!
Subject: National Lee Denim Day 10/8/2004
I'll be making my rounds in my office in the next two days to collect the donations.
If you are from the Southern Office, Eastern Office, or the Northern Office, please send me your money or checks (made payable to the Susan G. Komen Foundation) to me directly via interoffice envelope since no one in your office wants to help me raise money for a good cause. Make sure to put a note if you send cash, so I know who to send the pink ribbon too.
Thanks!
TIMMY!
and then I included my original email that I had sent out.
Notice my little snide remark, "since no one in your office wants to help me raise money for a good cause."
Did you catch that?
I work for Patent Attorneys.
Patent Attorneys are Engineers with Law Degrees.
They are really fun and have a great personality....they are party animals. w00t
Well, that's what I thought anyways and let me be the first to tell you that if you were assuming that they would love to get drunk on a regular basis and have 3somes, you'd be wrong.
Dead Wrong.
As in, Rodney Dangerfield wrong.
My innocent little comment in my email caused a few attorneys to email our Managing Human Resource Partner in the firm. He had a "talk" with me regarding it.
He didn't care because he actually is the exception to the rule of boring no life patent attorneys. He just wanted me to know about it and to keep my tone down in the future.
He needed to do his job and police me, the criminal.
How about instead of sending an email to our Managing Partner, why don't send an email to me stating that you would like to help me out raise money? What? You want to go to hell because you enjoy being a fucking prick? Oh okay, I'm sorry.
It is then that I told the Managing Partner that I did tone it down because I didn't think it would be appropriate to put in my email:
I am completely disgusted with you pricks for not wanting to assist me in raising money for a good cause, thus creating more work that I don't fucking need at the end of the quarter you inconsiderate jerks.
p.s.
Send your donations directly to me
That is what I wanted to write, because in the end it creates a big headache for me when I'm getting individual checks from various people from different offices, and cash with a fucking post-it note. Yeah, I actually got cash with a post-it on it....people, at least put it in a Goddamn envelope so it doesn't get lost. If people from each office had helped me, it would have saved me approximately 7 minutes out of my day if I didn't have to deal with this extra work load.
You might not think that 7 minutes is a long time, but it is....it's like 3 hours when you convert it to cyber time and that my gentle readers is a lot. In 7 minutes, I could bring you a kick ass post with great pictures, but instead, I'm posting about lazy assholes who won't help me raise money and how they complained about one fucking sentence in an email I sent out.
Do you see?
We all suffer.
So you, my gentle readers, should be just as pissed off as I am at this current situation.
While we're on the subject, lets divulge a little further into this subject of donating and what not.
I have had some really wonderful people donating money for National Lee Denim Day; however, I have also ran into people who have said no and immediately looked the other way when I ask them.
Okay, so I may say my line like the Orlando Jones character in the movie Office Space when he's acting as a crack head selling magazines sounding a little something like this:
"Hi. I was. Wondering. Ummm. I was. Hoping. That. You. Would. Donate. To The. Ummm. Susan. Ummm. G. Kooooomen Foundation. To. Help. Support. Brrrrrreast. Cancer. Ummm. Awareness."
And then I smile.
Not my Clark Gable smile....more like a "I use to be a crackhead head so can ya help a beaner out" smile.
Even though I asked in a boring way, you could....no....you SHOULD donate money to the fucking Breast Cancer Research. Even if it is $1 U.S. dollar. You need to donate when given the opportunity okay? It is that simple...I'm giving you a chance to do something, even though small, a chance to do something great.
You're a fucking prick if you didn't donate.
"But TIMMY!, wait, I ran a marathon....or I did the walk-a-thon for Breast Cancer."
Yeah, and?
So let me get this straight, you are the type of person to do the absolute minimum? Is that it?
I'm giving you an opportunity to donate money while I calculate everything, package it all up and send it while the hardest thing you have to do is to reach into your pocket and pull some money out. You don't want to do that because you've done something else to help out?
Well kudos to you.
You're a fucking prick too.
"You don't understand TIMMY!, money is really tight for me, I have to budget very carefully and I live paycheck to paycheck."
40,000 women in the U.S. will die this year from this disease and I'm standing before you willing to do all the work while you just reach into your pocket and give me something...anything. And you have the nerve to tell me that money is tight?
You're a fucking prick.
I've never known anyone who has gone through chemo or any other horrible things that cancer patients go through, I was there when my ex-aunt-in-law celebrated 5 years of cancer freedom, but I don't really know. I've been exposed to it though, and if I have an opportunity to help - I will.
If you're a person that doesn't know anybody with breast cancer and/or cancer period, you may not have a great desire to help out, but if I'm standing right before you willing to do all the hard work, you have no reason not to help out.
It's like Christopher Reeve - he's a fucking prick too. He opened up a paralysis foundation after he had his accident. What did he do for quadriplegics before that?
Exactly....he's a fucking prick.
He had a perfect opportunity too when he was exposed to quadriplegics when he did the film "Above Suspicion" in 1995. If you don't know the movie, here is the description:
When a dedicated and decorated cop (Christopher Reeve) falls prey to a drug dealer's bullet and is paralyzed for life, his brother (Joe Mantegna) and wife (Kim Cattrall) begin fooling around. A $1 million insurance policy further fuels Reeve's suspicions and rage, which ultimately explode in a vengeful -- and mysterious -- crime where everyone is a suspect.
He was exposed to paralysis but still did nothing.
God knew this and told that horse to stop instead of jumping throwing Reeve over the horses' head snapping his neck. He was teaching that little prick a lesson.
I know without a shadow of a doubt that if Christopher Reeve had done something for quadriplegics he wouldn't be sounding like Darth Vadar right now with a one way ticket to hell.
I have a friend who will be going to Heidi Bakers Orphanages in Mozambique, this November. I made a public posting requesting specific items that he could take with him that he could hand out. Not necessarily new items - used items are okay.
The items being requested are as follows:
Boys:
Soccer Balls
Foot Balls
Basket Balls
Decks of Cards
Girls:
Baby Dolls (Dark Skinned)
Barbie Dolls (Dark Skinned)
I've had a total of 3 people give me items to give to my friend.
3 people from a total of about 100 people in my office.
Do you know what that means? That means that 97 people are fucking pricks in my office and will end up starving with no toys in Africa with a one way ticket to hell. Don't believe me? See example of Christopher Reeve above to prove my point.
Unless you want to become a starving quadriplegic in Africa with no toys who has breast cancer, I suggest you do something when given the opportunity to do something.
Don't be a fucking prick.
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