Sorry Miguel...errr, Jesus...I'm going to Hell!

 

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I had a dentist appointment today...dammit!

I hate the dentist...not because I'm afraid of going to the dentist but because my dentist makes me feel guilty for not having, perfectly white teeth. Meaning, if I don't take care of them perfectly, he's laying guilt trips on me.
I mean, come on, my dentist ain't a family member, he doesn't have the right to lay guilt trips on me.

To make matters worse, about 1 year ago, said dentist referred me to an oral surgeon to get my wisdom teeth removed.

I have a confession to make...I know this make come as a shock to most of you so brace yourself....

I have a big mouth.

I'll let the shocking news absorb into your skin and minds a little bit before continuing.
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Take deep breaths....the shock will go away....

So I have a big mouth and I have room for all my wisdom teeth...never had them removed. I don't need them removed but its a pain the ass to get all the way back there to clean them...so I take the husband/mexican route on laziness and decide that it would just be easier to have them removed.

So I'm sitting there after my teeth have been polished like a brand new penny, when I hear....

SCREEEEEECH........BOOOM......break......

I jump up and look outside and two cars had smashed into each other. About 1 minute later the Hygienist and the Receptionist come in and ask what happened.

Standing there watching the two attractive women, I think to myself....hey, I'm only two people short of a 3some, and low and behold, there are two hot asian chicks in the room with me.....

My day dreaming abruptly ceases when I hear crying from one of the passengers. I look outside again and everyone is walking away and I see one of the people involved with tears streaming down her face. Everyone seems fine, and I don't see any blood...I also see another person on the phone, so I don't need to go out there.

Just because I'm an EMT doesn't mean I have to help if no one knows right? My normal excuse in these situations is that I don't have any gloves on me....but I was in a dentist office so I couldn't use that excuse.

So I just sat back down in my chair and tried to ignore them. Those of you out there right now, cursing me to hell, let me just say, that everyone was walking and there wasn't any blood....cops were already on the scene and I didn't need to go out there.

So my dentist looks at my teeth and reminds me that I need to get my wisdom teeth pulled....

All finished I take one last peek out the window, and I see the Paramedics C-Spining the chick that was crying. You know, strapping her up to a flat board. Then I felt semi-bad...but I got over it pretty quickly when my dentist handed me my new dental floss and brand new toothbrush.


Good Friday equals Bad Boy

Yeah, every freakin year when the holy moly holiday rolls up on me like a pubic crab, I always, ALWAYS feel like the shittiest person around. Makes me remember what a sinful piece of shit I really am. The way I feel though is that I'm investing in a first class ticket for my trip to hell. Besides, hell is where the booze & slutty chicks are, so obviously that is where I should be. How many orgies do you think go on in heaven? Uhhh, yeah, exactly...

The streets may be made of gold, but there ain't no poon tang!!! Give me dirt roads and willing tacos to stick my burrito in...

The best part is, I won't have to worry about AIDs as I'll already be dead!!! No Condoms In Hell. MUAHAHAHAHA

I'm actually going to church with an old high school buddy on Easter this year. Easter is when church is the most crowded! People who never go to church and lead a "decently good" life go to church to try to make up for all the times they didn't go. Would I fit into that category? Uhhhhh, no.....

I never liked Easter...my mom was a fuckin Houdini when it came to hiding my damn easter basket. She would never tell me where it was either, not even a damn clue...every year about 2 fucking weeks later I would stumble across the Easter Basket and have the joy of eating stale chocolate easter eggs.

Speaking of Jesus and Good Friday, I need to point out that one of my observations was correct....I know, shocking as that sounds, I was correct.

From my post, The Passion Of Diarrhea, I talked about how the Romans grabbed a Black looking Jew to help Jesus carry the cross.

Well, after a little research on the subject, his name was Simon of Cyrene. In the Gospel of Mark 15:21 is says: Simon of Cyrene who coming in from his country just then, was pressed into service to carry Jesus' cross. (Simon is the father of Alexander and Rufus)

Footnote for Mark 15:21... Colonies of Jews existed outside Judea; Simon came from Cyrene in Africa, making a pilgrimage to Jerusalem for the Passover.

Many Afro-Americans are born Jewish. One of Americas most famous black Jew was Sammy Davis Jr.

I love that one eyed fucker.

Have a great Easter and don't eat to much chocolate.