The Legend Of The Tamale Lady

 

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What is a Tamale?

Tamales are as basic Mexican as you can get. They are an everyday street food. They are fiesta (party) and holiday food. They are family food. Tamales are to Mexican culture what Chicken and Matzo Ball Soup is to Jewish culture.

Tamales are made from masa dough filled with meat, vegetables and spices (or fruit) and wrapped in a corn husk (or banana leaf). Steamed tamale pie until hot. You don't eat the corn husk you doofus. And once you unwrap the corn husk to get to the goods, its like undressing a woman to get the goods....a piece of heaven.

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It was a cold moist evening...

I was on my way to the grocery store to pick up some odds and ends. I had a bounce in my walk as I softly sung to myself, "Shake it, sh-shake it.....shake it....sh-shake it...shake it...sh-shake it ...oh oh! Shake it like a polaroid picture....shake it...sh-shake it...HEY YA!".

The headlights of a car light up a Courtesy Clerk picking up shopping carts in the parking lot. He must have been about 15 years old.

A great age... I think to myself.

Where else could you look down the blouse of a 300ib teacher's blouse and get a chubby and not feel guilty about it? Or get excited by being the first in your household to nab the Victoria Secret (lingerie) catalog before anyone else in the house even knew it came in the mail. Lets not forget the two most perfect words to a 15 year old pimple poppin, chubby sportin, wet dreamin boy was Scrambled Porn. Those two words had more importance than breathing. Its where imagination and the sounds of erotic moaning by a female and a quick glimpse of a 1/2 a boob gets you off.

Those were the days.

I go back to my current world and my Outkast song....

"Lend me some sugar! I am your neighbor!....Ah!....Here we go! Uh!...Uh.....shake it, sh-shake it...oh oh!....sh-shake it...."

It's then that I saw....

The moonlight softly illuminating her profile like an angel from above. She was an angel. She was my angel. An angel I had to speak to. An angel that was standing in the dark corner to the entrance of the grocery store.

She was.....The Tamale Lady.

I couldn't believe it.

THE TAMALE LADY!

Every orifice on my body leaked from excitement.

Even though my heart rate picked up and I was noticeably breathing harder, I strolled up to her very smoothly.

I silently repeat to myself, "I'm cool....I'm cool.....I'm cool...."

She was wearing her normal attire ...a sun dress underneath an overcoat. With her hair pulled back and her hands in her pockets, she gazed out into the parking lot horizon.

I slowly approach.

"I'm cool...I'm cool...I'm cool...."

Her head slowly turned to see me and her face was lit up by the moonlight. She was gorgeous. My angel...my Tamale Lady.

I leaned up against the wall next to her as her gaze re-focused on the horizon parking lot.

I asked on question, with one word....

"Tamales?"

Without saying a word she crossed in front of me and started walking.

I followed my Michael Jackson like a little giddy boy.

My angel...my Tamale Lady.


She walked up to a beat up rusted station wagon and lifted the back up. I was absorbed by the aroma of the Tamales. It was heaven. My heaven.

My angel...my Tamale Lady.

The Tamale Lady's tender lips parted and the words soared out of her mouth like an opera singer, "Chicken or Pork?"

I quickly fumbled around for my wallet....I checked it for money....cash, hard cold cash to complete the deal....

I had $10.

I took a quick glance around and in a hoarse voice I stuttered, "f-fff-five ch-chicken & f-fff-five ppp-pork."

The Tamale Lady tenderly smiled at me as she pulled out 5 chicken tamales & 5 pork tamales.

"Enjoy!" she said to me as she handed them into my trembling hands.

I met her eyes as I said, "Oh. Trust me. I will."

I stood there for a moment staring at my gold mine that was purchased with $10. My tamales. My goldmine. I forgot why I was at the grocery store, but it didn't matter, I had what I needed, my gold, my tamales.

I looked up to see The Tamale Lady gracefully walking back to her corner by the grocery store.

She swayed back and forth like a palm tree on this cold moist evening.

My angel, my Tamale Lady.