The Little Man-Maid

"Daddy, can I have this please? Yes? Okay?"

I swoop her up and start tickling her and she begins to give a full no holding back belly laugh. Catching her breath she says, "Again-again-again."

"You can get anything in the store baby," I said knowing that we were inside the Dollar Store and there wasn't anything in there that I would say no to - especially when it came to pricing.

I mean seriously, what could Curly Top possibly get at the Dollar Store that would be bad? Besides finding a 7 year old package of cookies, the Dollar Store is a good place to go when you need to find some treasures.

Common Things You Will Find at the Dollar Store

People with no front teeth

People who can't color coordinate their clothing apparel

Cash register operators who need to do a price check

People who can only speak one language, and it isn't English

Fat people with horizontal striped tank tops and black stretch pants

Things that are Not Common at the Dollar Store

White people - unless they are barefoot and/or with mullets

People with no stains on their shirts/blouses

Shoppers with a legitimate job

Children without any silver caps on their front teeth

Polite people who smile at you

Going to the Dollar Store is an adventure all in itself as the characters that shop there are an amazing bunch of creatures...yes, I did say creatures because these are the "special" people God created to remind good looking intelligent people like myself that God could have made me a "Dollar Store Creature".

So, thank you God for not making me a Dollar Store Creature.

I usually don't take Curly Top to the Dollar Store because Dollar Store Creatures always seem to love cute children - I'm guessing because they have only read about beautiful children and have never seen one up close and personal. If they are parents, the more intrigued they are about approaching Curly Top and trying to communicate with beautiful people. These people scare the shit out Curly Top, and to be honest, me too, so I try not to take her to the Dollar Store to often.

So as Curly Top and I are shopping at the Dollar Store, her little eye spots something....off in the corner it sparkles in Curly Top's eyes....she runs over and says, "I get this yes daddy?"

I look at the merchandise that Curly Top so desperately wants and try to convince her that maybe we could get a kite - then I start singing in the store, "Lets Go Fly A Kite."

Curly Top giggles and says, "Silly daddy....Mary Poppins no thank you. I want Ariel!"

"Ummm, I don't think that's a good idea babe, lets get some stickers."

"Dad-dey! Please? I get Ariel yes? Okay" she says shaking her head trying to convince me.

A barbie Ariel - the fun loving redhead mermaid in the Disney animated film, "The Little Mermaid" was being held by my daughter and I was trying desperately to convince her to get something else.

My attempts fell on deaf ears. My attempts fell on a little girl that was so intensely interested in wanting...no, needing - as in life or death needing - that she now was ignoring me and talking to Ariel directly.

"Curly Top....this isn't right. I don't think we want this."

"Ooooooh, I like your lips Ariel" Curly Top says as she continues to ignore me while stroking Ariel's flaming red hair.

I get down to Curly Top's level as I bend down on my knee, I look at Curly Top, and then I look at Ariel and back to Curly Top and say in my most non-discriminating-I-love-all-people-no-matter-what-they-look-like voice, "Are you sure you want this?"

Her big blue eyes slowly meet mine, and as they light up with joy she says, "Yes daddy, I love Ariel."

Horse Shit.

Since we were in the Dollar Store - she was automatically cuter than normal because subconsciously you compare your child to all the ugly children in the Dollar Store. Dammit - well, I can't say no now, especially since I already said she could pick something out.

I'm screwed and have to get this thing.

She loves it - and when I say, "it" I mean "it". She hasn't gone to bed without it since we've purchased this thing....it.

It is constantly with her. I don't know what to call it because the barbie looks like a man...well uhhh, sort of. I don't know what it looks like, I just know that it doesn't look like a princess and it doesn't look like a man...it doesn't look like much of anything other than a toy that my daughter loves.

I shall call it - The Little Man-Maid - and Curly Top loves the Little Man-Maid.



She loved the Little Man-Maid so much I finally broke down and purchased all of the Drag Queen Princesses.




This is what I get for taking Curly Top shopping at the Dollar Store.