Pre-Nuptial Agreement Part II
I, the undersigned, a male accepting a marriage proposal agree that...
Section 1
In the likely event of myself achieving an early orgasm like a cheap Ethiopian Male Whore, I shall apologize profusely and give you oral pleasure for the rest of the night without asking for anything in return due to my incompetent self not being able to please you.
Section 1.01
I will not under any circumstance lie about my pre-mature ejaculation by saying stuff like, "Wow, this is a first" as we both know that I am really only half of a man for failing.
Section 1.02
I will under no circumstance ever watch TV or pay attention to other things in the room while we are Making Love (which I will NEVER refer to as "Screwing") and/or while you are venting on me.
Section 1.02 (a)
If you decide to vent on me, I will including but not limited to: care, understand, be respectful, give you devotion, validate and reassure you and I will not try to "fix" the problem as I understand you just need loving care and support.
Section 1.03
I will always ask for more foreplay and/or ask if you need anymore oral pleasure as my one true goal in life is to please you in every way possible.
Section 2
I fully understand that a man's main role in any relationship is to take the blame and look like the dipshit that we as men truly are. I will be more than happy to step in and accept blame for whatever we screw up in as a couple or as individuals. I will agree with you and nod my head happily if you decide to tell our friends and/or family that I somehow screwed up and/or it was entirely my fault.
Section 2.01
If you are late getting ready or you change your clothes 17 times, I will advise you of how beautiful you are and how lucky I am to have married such a wonderful and beautiful woman. I will never roll my eyes or tell you we are late.
Section 3
I will never go out for a 'guy's night out' as my sole purpose in this relationship is to follow you around like a stray puppy dog trying to get some spoiled meatballs from an Italian restaurant wherever you want and/or need to go unless you need space - if you do need space, I will stay home and clean the house including but not limited to, bathroom, rugs, windows, kitchen, bedrooms.
Section 3.01
I shall never complain when you want to go shopping and I will be more than happy to pay for all the shoes that you want to purchase even if you have said shoes at home.
Section 3.01(a)
I will never mention that you don't need something, as buying whatever your heart desires is the least I can do for blessing me with your presence and actually marring such a pitiful man as myself.
Section 4
After Making Love, I will be more than happy to cuddle you for hours till my arm goes dead. I will never allow you to sleep NOR touch the 'wet spot'.
Section 4.01
I will never, ever bounce your breasts like an African Man playing the conga as I realize that they may be tender and are not my personal love instrument.
Section 5
I promise never to bring up your weight gains and/or stretch marks that you may encounter over the years providing our relationship with the many blessings that only a woman can bring. I will always advise you that I love you each day more and more.
Section 5.02
I promise to shave everyday in order to not scratch and/or harm parts of your body when I am allowed to kiss you.
Section 6
I will never leave you for that younger more beautiful woman even after you bitch slap me, yell at me, spend hours in the bathroom and/or make passes at my friends. I will just nod, smile and tell you that I love you.
Section 6.01
I understand that mechanical objects like cars, plumbing, and electrical is most likely beyond my intelligence in regards to repairing them. I will always call a proper professional repairman to fix said repairs if any should occur.
Section 6.02
I will always assist and even advise you to sit down and watch Operah Winfrey as I, iron, do the laundry, cook, and clean.
Section 7
I will always put the toilet seat down so you will not have to look before you sit.
Section 7.01
I will stop and ask for directions.
Being of sound mind, body and completely in love, I enter this relationship contract.
Section 1
In the likely event of myself achieving an early orgasm like a cheap Ethiopian Male Whore, I shall apologize profusely and give you oral pleasure for the rest of the night without asking for anything in return due to my incompetent self not being able to please you.
Section 1.01
I will not under any circumstance lie about my pre-mature ejaculation by saying stuff like, "Wow, this is a first" as we both know that I am really only half of a man for failing.
Section 1.02
I will under no circumstance ever watch TV or pay attention to other things in the room while we are Making Love (which I will NEVER refer to as "Screwing") and/or while you are venting on me.
Section 1.02 (a)
If you decide to vent on me, I will including but not limited to: care, understand, be respectful, give you devotion, validate and reassure you and I will not try to "fix" the problem as I understand you just need loving care and support.
Section 1.03
I will always ask for more foreplay and/or ask if you need anymore oral pleasure as my one true goal in life is to please you in every way possible.
Section 2
I fully understand that a man's main role in any relationship is to take the blame and look like the dipshit that we as men truly are. I will be more than happy to step in and accept blame for whatever we screw up in as a couple or as individuals. I will agree with you and nod my head happily if you decide to tell our friends and/or family that I somehow screwed up and/or it was entirely my fault.
Section 2.01
If you are late getting ready or you change your clothes 17 times, I will advise you of how beautiful you are and how lucky I am to have married such a wonderful and beautiful woman. I will never roll my eyes or tell you we are late.
Section 3
I will never go out for a 'guy's night out' as my sole purpose in this relationship is to follow you around like a stray puppy dog trying to get some spoiled meatballs from an Italian restaurant wherever you want and/or need to go unless you need space - if you do need space, I will stay home and clean the house including but not limited to, bathroom, rugs, windows, kitchen, bedrooms.
Section 3.01
I shall never complain when you want to go shopping and I will be more than happy to pay for all the shoes that you want to purchase even if you have said shoes at home.
Section 3.01(a)
I will never mention that you don't need something, as buying whatever your heart desires is the least I can do for blessing me with your presence and actually marring such a pitiful man as myself.
Section 4
After Making Love, I will be more than happy to cuddle you for hours till my arm goes dead. I will never allow you to sleep NOR touch the 'wet spot'.
Section 4.01
I will never, ever bounce your breasts like an African Man playing the conga as I realize that they may be tender and are not my personal love instrument.
Section 5
I promise never to bring up your weight gains and/or stretch marks that you may encounter over the years providing our relationship with the many blessings that only a woman can bring. I will always advise you that I love you each day more and more.
Section 5.02
I promise to shave everyday in order to not scratch and/or harm parts of your body when I am allowed to kiss you.
Section 6
I will never leave you for that younger more beautiful woman even after you bitch slap me, yell at me, spend hours in the bathroom and/or make passes at my friends. I will just nod, smile and tell you that I love you.
Section 6.01
I understand that mechanical objects like cars, plumbing, and electrical is most likely beyond my intelligence in regards to repairing them. I will always call a proper professional repairman to fix said repairs if any should occur.
Section 6.02
I will always assist and even advise you to sit down and watch Operah Winfrey as I, iron, do the laundry, cook, and clean.
Section 7
I will always put the toilet seat down so you will not have to look before you sit.
Section 7.01
I will stop and ask for directions.
Being of sound mind, body and completely in love, I enter this relationship contract.
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