Don't Kiss Me You Drunk Skank

 
Every year I go out...doesn't matter with who, where, as soon as:

3, 2, 1 HAPPY NEW YEARS.....

I have some strange drunk skank trying to get her mack on with me.

Look wench, I don't want your foul smellin, stale smoke slobber all over me.

BACK THE FUCK OFF

I don't like you.

Julie McCoy (from the Law Firm Clique) has already set New Years out on the town up and wants me there. New Years is a lot of fun to begin the New Year with someone you care about, but if you're surrounded by drunk skanks that want to kiss you and are willing to bear your children, then I'd like to use my "Get Out Of Jail" card. I'd use my Get Out Of Jail card because that situation is prison, there is no escaping these psychotic, I'm a free spirited hopeful for a wonderful year so I want to kiss you for good luck drunk skanks.

Do you people not realize I don't have any lips? They are not worth the effort to be kissed!

But you see, it doesn't matter because I could be Jimmy the handicap janitor working at McDonald's scaring kids while moppin up my own drool, and I would still try to be kissed at the beginning of the New Year.

These women place their entire hopes and dreams on the following year because the past year sucked so bad.

This is a new beginning, I want to find love and I need to kiss the Tall Mexican in flips flops who doesn't have any lips. They think, I will bring them wonderful luck this year with a simple kiss....it is a new beginning!

A new start.

I draw these drunk skanks like the plague of biblical magnitude. Women, who I don't know, have actually snucked in and kissed me....then they cover their mouth and giggle as if to say, "hehe, I can get away with kissing you because I'm cute." No bitch, you're an ugly drunk skank. The reason why you have had a suck ass year is because you look like a dried up crusty vagina who has slept with more guys than a 2 cent hooker.

But TIMMY!, I kiss guys on New Years and I'm not a skank. You just don't understand, its a fun part and a kiss just brings good luck, doesn't mean I'm a skank!

Let us analyze this situation.

If you kiss guys on New Years, then the chances of me having to use more than one hand to count the number of people you have slept with go up about 163%. This is a true statistic I just made up to prove my point that yes indeed, you are a skank. A drunk one at that.

Married women are excluded from this analysis as you won't be out kissing anyone, you will be on your knees giving your husband oral pleasure while he watches The Dick Clark, Rock n Roll New Years Special. The only time you should stop your hoovering, is when your husband asks how it is possible in this day and age that Dick Clark can live to be a 189 years old. Don't take your mouth off though, just shrug your shoulders....the only time you should take your mouth off is when it is time for you to go and fetch another beer for him.

This year I have a new goal for New Years....I will find a drunk skank who can shoot a ping pong ball out and knock a dude out cold from across the room spread eagle....when the New Year begins and you hear me screaming out, "KEGEL ME YOU DRUNK SKANK!"

You'll know I have succeeded.

Hope everyone has a wonderful Christmas (holiday) and a wonderful New Years.