Celebrity Baby's Names Are Shitty

Do celebrities get injected with dipshit drugs when they get knocked up? To come up with some of these names, you have to be a complete idiot and have no love at all for your new born. Granted, most newborns are ugly with their cone heads and blue looking skin. See picture below for an accurate portrayal of a newborn:



For those of you who have never had or seen a newborn - the above picture is a perfect example of what your ugly ass kid will look like right out of the vagina. I'm a father, and I'm telling you this is true. However, just because your kid is uglier than something you barfed up due to morning sickness, does not give you the right to name your kid something stupid and ugly. Your kid is ugly, deal with it, don't take it out on the little innocent ugli.

Lets look at names of celebrities - I originally planned on going A - Z but got so disgusted with the names I decided to skip letters.

Apple - Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin
Apple Martin, now there's a cool name I would want. I would even change my last name to Martini...cause that would be so rad and I would never get my ass kicked in school with a name matching my lunch.

Atticus - Isabella Hoffman and Daniel Baldwin
Apparently Isabella & Daniel conceived in the attic.

Banjo - Patrick and Rachel Griffiths
Doot doo der dar do .... Banjo??? I just puked in my mouth.

Cosima - Nigella Lawson
Coma induced labor.

Daisy Boo - Jamie Oliver
The middle name makes me want to take a dump.

Dixie Dot and Bibi Belle - Anna Ryder Richardson
What the...

Elijah Bob Patricus Guggi Q - Bono
Are you serious? I just pissed my pants from the absurdity.

Ocean, True and Sonnet - Forest Whitaker
So hippie it makes me want to fart.

Pilot Inspektor - Jason Lee
If my name was Pilot Inspektor, I'd have to kick my own ass.

Phinnaeus Walter and Hazel Patricia - Julia Roberts
I know! Lets go with something that sounds like Penis so he will always know what it is like to get his ass kicked. By golly, lets fuck his life up!

Racer, Rebel, Rocket - Robert Rodriguez
They could have gone with something really cool like: Paper, Rock, Scissors, but no, they had to be different.

Rocco - Madonna
Your son doesn't deserve a professional wrestling stage name as he will end up a drug addict getting gum jobs from a hooker known as "The Teacher"

Satchel - Woody Allen
It is impossible for Woody Allen to produce an athlete with his pussy ass genes, so bringing back a name from baseball history is just plain pathetic.

Taj - Steven Tyler
Taj comes with a birth marked red dot on his forehead (Taj Mahal)

Tallulah - Demi Moore and Bruce Willis
Tallulah, Tennessee

Willow - Will Smith and Jada Pinkett Smith
Yes, lets name our kid after a midget in a movie.

Zola - Eddie Murphy
You don't live in Africa you dipshit.


If you want your kid to come home every day with a black eye, their super man underroos pulled over their head and hungry from having their lunch stolen from them, then take one of the names above and show your kid how much you hate them.

If you want your kid to be the one kicking the asses of little Pilot or Bibi Belle, then name your kid TIMMY! or TIMMALITA!. You won't ever have to worry about sending them to school with lunch because Banjo and Rocket will be more than willing to get their asses kicked and hand over their lunch to little TIMMY! or TIMMALITA!.