Roller Cops - A Hero Will Roll

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First, major thanks to Black Magnum from the Law Firm Clique for her guest entry post yesterday.

Last week I was reading Region Broad's blog and she was talking a bit about cops and what not, and it got me thinking about two cops in particular that I know of.

I use to live in this beach town. I was about two blocks from the beach and you could see the ocean from my living room.

Good Times...Good Times.

Anyways, the town was really small, and a bunch of people would always come over from the Bay Area to go to the beach...the bastids. So parking was very difficult to find there, well, unless you had a place two blocks from the beach like I did then you were like, "Dun't chew be zealoussss"

People got parking tickets all the time, in fact, the city depended on the money from the parking tickets. I read it in the town newsletter. When the towns people weren't hunting for the Mexican Monster on the beaches and/or for Frankenstein with lighted torches they were very involved in the town and very political.

A Hero Will Roll

Anyways, the city had two, thats right, two cops who were in wheelchairs rolling around writing tickets faster than American Soldiers can abuse Iraqi prisoners. These guys were the most arrogant sons of bitches I've ever met. I hated them even more as all the beach babes were hanging off of them like Hugh Hefner on wheels.

For Fucks Sake.

These jerks didn't care about anything other than cold beer, hot chicks and fast tickets. They were assholes. They didn't want to hear it, and if you tried to talk to them about the ticket they were writing you, they would roll over your feet. They were the cockiest meter maids I've ever spoken too.

I only received one parking ticket from them, and that was only because I forgot to put my registration sticker on my license plates. He's lucky I wasn't there to witness him locking his wheelchair in place while he whipped out his ticket book, because I would have Chinesed back-flipped out of the way of his wheels of death and round house kicked him in the back of his head. Then I would have taken his female groupies, push his wheelchair down the hill while we watched and laughed as seagulls pooped on his motionless body. That is exactly what I would have done.

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Office Tip #423

Do not under any circumstances place a paper cup full of hot coffee in front of your keyboard while reading blogs.

Said cup will be knocked over spilling the contents therein onto your nice non-stain repellent khaki's thus creating the illusion once the coffee has dried that you need to seriously invest in a colostomy bag.

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Getting Older

The past couple of weeks I've had this really weird feeling that I have this booger hanging out of my nose. Then I get really self-conscious about it, I'll keep checking my nose - rubbing it, taking in deep breaths through my nose...I look like I'm snorting cocain cause I keep sniffling then rubbing my nose. I don't want to be the employee that everyone looks at with pitty, "Poor TIMMY!...he's turned to cocain for comfort."

I go and check on my nose like every 3 minutes because I get so self conscious about it, but there is nothing there...I don't know what my problem is. I think it has something to do with myself getting older. I probably have new nose hairs poking at different angles in my nose thus tickling the inside of my nose giving me the feeling that I have a massive Mr. Salty Booger ready to jump out and feed on my blood like a crazy mosquito.

I buy one of those nose hair trimmers so I don't have to constantly keep feeling like Robert Downey Jr. by rubbing my nose every 17 seconds, but it doesn't work....the same feeling is there all the time...I'm just getting old.

Getting old sucks.


I went to a BBQ on Sunday evening to celebrate the 4th of July, America's Independence, we BBQ, we drank...and yet, it wasn't as fun for me as it would have been about 5 years ago.

5 Years Ago -

I grope any and all chicks

While talking to chicks, I stare at cleavage

I flirt like a game show host

I take shots and mix alcohol before I eat to get drunk faster making all the chicks look like the Tamale Lady...an angel

I try to get laid with any and all chicks - the more the merrier

I don't leave until the cops come the 2nd time

Current -

I make sure I eat something BEFORE attending the BBQ

I give one armed hugs as to not violate any of the ladies

I make constant eye contact to be sure not to be the pervert who stares at cleavage

I don't mix any alcohol - I drink the same drink all evening

I keep checking my nose for boogers

I leave before midnight to assure a good night's sleep


Yeah...getting old sucks but....

At least I'm not in a wheelchair.