Good Times....Good Times

 

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Thank you to all those that sent in their concerns wandering where the hell I was, and worried that either Fievel kidnapped me or that I got arrested from not paying the full amount on my speeding ticket. Those that didn't care to ask for my whereabouts, I hope you get gonorrhea from a monkey and die a horrible painful death in a public bathroom.

Last week I was extremely busy with work. I was trying to get things all take care of so I could take Friday off. I figured I would be able to get a post out to let everyone know where I was going, but alas, I just ran out of time.

An old high school buddy was getting married in Mendocino County, Northern California.



The drive was to take 4 hours from where I live and the wedding was early on Saturday. I decided to hitch a ride with a bunch of friends that were going up on Friday to make my life easier. Which by the way, was not an easy choice as it was, I was supposed to go up to the City (San Francisco) with a bunch of hot chicks and party it up, true some of them were married but just being in the crowd with hot chicks is a plus, but I was giving all that up to go to this wedding...if they don't die old together, they'll be murdered young by yours truly.

Early Friday morning I arrive at the meeting place and see some old friends that I haven't seen in awhile....

there was "Baldy", tall white guy with a shaved head and a closely trimmed beard. In high-school, Baldy was about 5'8 and 100 ibs...now he's about 6'2 200 ibs.

Also there was "Tiny"....I don't know what his nationality is...I guess it doesn't really matter anyways since if you were in a crowd trying to spot him you'd look right over him from the fact that he's so short.

The Groom was to do all the driving, the happy little jerk was all giddy...and of course, there was me....the Tall Mexican in Flip-Flops.

Together the four us piled into a car and off we went for a 4 hour car drive.

Road Trip

In the car we all told great stories of growing up together....and it would always end with a, "Good Times, Good Times" .... no matter how bad the story actually was. We ate a quick breakfast about 10:30 a.m. and unbeknownst to us, it was to be our last meal of the day until about 9 p.m.

We arrived to Mendocino County without a problem. Laughing and being silly, silly like little high school boys.

It was Good Times...Good Times.

We got to our hotel at the Beachcomber and we were all to stay in the same hotel room. All four of us with two queen size beds. It was a road trip and Groom paid for the room with his "wedding reserves" so none of us wanted to spend any extra cash for our own room. We settled in and got ready for the dress rehearsal and for the rehearsal dinner. I wasn't in the wedding, but since I was there, I was allowed to mooch off of the night and get a free dinner.

Yay For Me.

First up on the fun night agenda was the dress rehearsal. Two of the bride maids had not arrived in town yet so the Pastor's wife and myself got to stand in. Maid of Honor walks down and next in line was myself.....I walk down looking majestically beautiful. I'm standing in line beaming with a smile as the other bride maids walk the aisle.

Then it starts....

"My, you look beautiful in your dress." I look down at myself and I'm wearing flip-flops, a pair of nice dockers, and a button up silk shirt. I give her a fake smile and give my appreciation for her comment.

"Always a braids maid never a bride huh?" I force out a fake laugh this time and say, "You so know me."

This is beginning to get really irritating and yet, the fun jabs of comments continue.

"I love your bouquet"

"So when are you getting married to Mr. Right?"

"You wear that dress really well, you look fabulous!"

Hahahahahahaha....it was so much fun, I was so enjoying myself and all the fun caddy talk by the ladies.

At this point I wanted to walk up to the Bride and punch her in the fucking neck. Even though she wasn't the one making the comments, I felt like she was responsible since it is her wedding and her bride maids.

The agonizing rehearsal finally ended with me on the arm of Baldy walking me out.

Now we got to go mingle at the, "The Family Meet & Greet".

Oh Joy.

Once I got there - were chips & salsa and some triscuits. Aaaah, I was starving, and dinner reservations were not for another 2 hours. I grabbed a bottle of Vodka and poured it in a glass....since there wasn't any Cranberry or another kind of juice, I mixed it with a Sprite.

Good Times, Good Times.

Making small talk with family members wasn't my ideal situation on this Friday night in a beach town, but it was something I was going to have to accept for my free meal.

The chips, salsa & triscuits got old within the first 45 minutes. I was starving....literally, I could feel my body getting weaker by the minute and there was absolutely nothing I could do.

Nothing....

I'm hanging out with Baldy & Tiny and we were all trying to fill up on liquor since none of us had eatin since 10:30 a.m. that morning as the chips & triscuits just wasn't doing it for us. 20 minutes before our reservations at 7 p.m. a call came out that there was a shuttle ready to pick up a group and take us down to the Brewery Restaurant. Baldy, Tiny & myself make eye contact and we decide to catch the shuttle and get the hell out of there and maybe get some real appetizers at the restaurant.

We pile in and leave the Groom behind to mingle with family and off we go to the Brewery. When we arrive we found out that the Brewery doesn't have any hard alcohol and that we are to pay for our own drinks. Tiny & Baldy order one of the Brewery's beers and I order a coke, I'm not a beer drinker even if they do brew their own beer. We get shown to were the party was to be held and we were told that there are appetizers in the back.

Drooling like mentally retarded kids at Disney Land, we quickly rush to the back of the room only to find in our disappointment chips & salsa and fucking triscuits.

What the fuck?

How is it possible that they would have the exact same food appetizers at the Family Meet & Greet? Not only that, we have to pay for our drinks now. We were actually better off at the Family Meet & Greet.

Dammit!

I was there with Baldy & Tiny though so it was Good Times, Good Times.

Our 7 p.m. dinner reservations flew by like Mario Andretti....we still hadn't ordered by 8 p.m. By 9 p.m. we finally got our food. We were drooling at our food like lesbians on Ladies Night at a night club....the best food ever...I don't remember what we had because it wasn't on our plates long enough to figure out what we were eating.

We all piled up in a car and we head back to the hotel with full stomachs. Baldy, Tiny & the Groom break out cigars and lite them up out on the balcony over looking the ocean. I've never smoked anything in my life and I sure as shit wasn't going to start that night, so I elected to pass.

After about another hour we decide to retire for the night. I was to share a bed with Baldy while the Groom and Tiny were to share a bed.

About 4 a.m. I was awoken by a horrific sound. A sound that was in rhythm with the waves crashing outside, only this sound was horrific. I open my eyes and as my brain focused on the sound, I realized it was my sleeping partner, Baldy. All 6'2 of him snoring like a dying rhino being repeatedly stabbed by a dull kitchen knife. I sit up and stare at the big honky fucker. My eyes focus in on his nostrils as they flare up each time as the horrible sound escapes his nostrils. I have this urge to ram my finger up his nose and into his brain killing him so I can sleep. I look over at the Groom sleeping like a baby, and realize that killing his stand in best man might not be the best thing to do. He was a stand in because his real best man, his brother, is serving his Country over in Iraq.

What to do...what to do...

I start flip flopping in bed like I have mad cow disease, tossing and turning until finally the snoring stops....

Good Times...Good Times

Wedding Day

The wedding was absolutely beautiful with a costal front view and amazing flowers surrounding the happy couple. I could not find any bad signs that his marriage would end horrible, unless you count that vulture flying over head as they were saying their vows....That couldn't mean anything...I mean really, I see vultures flying over coastal weddings all the time.

On a quick side note, let me tell all you future brides & grooms out there who plan on having a wedding....make sure there are enough single people to go around. It got so bad at one point I thought about trying to convince the pastor's wife to cheat on her husband with me. You never know, it could happen!

Good Times....Good Times

The Groom was off for his wedding night, Tiny was staying in town for an extra night, so Baldy and myself decide to take off. Baldy had to work the next day and it was Father's day for me and I had to get back to Curly Top, so we high tailed it out of Mendocino County.

We drove the Groom's car back for him....which he so kindly left us with no gas.

We stopped for gas at a local gas station and they had a full service no extra charge help. Sheesh...where the fuck were we?

Baldy, being the talkative type, starts talking to the locals that were hanging outside the gas station. Damn small talk, I hate small talk with strangers. You're never going to see them again so whats the point?

We finally hope back in the car and I tell Baldy to cut the shit with the Locals and lets get home. He tells me its good to be nice...and I'm like, for what reason asshole?

He turns the car on, but it doesn't turn over....the battery is fucking dead. The local towns people come running up and tells us they have jumper cables and not to worry.

Baldy looks over at me and says, "Damn Mexicans, you're lucky I'm here making nice with the locals."

We both laugh.

We get the car jumped, and continue our 4 hour car ride back home without further incident.

Good Times...Good Times.


Here's the happy married couple living it up right now in Hawaii