Employees Go Crazy For The Big Chalupa

---

Last Week

I wonder the work hallways aimlessly looking for unsuspecting secretaries that I can sneak up on and talk about my kick ass life to while bragging that Nobody Rocks Like me.

After re-telling the story of the Leaking Tea Bags to a group of secretaries, everyone joins laughing with me at the two suckers who fell for it. Everybody Loves Me. The secretaries were laughing, they were throwing rose petals, two even offered to wash my feet with perfume. I'm like Timmy Christ the savior of the boring work place. Don't believe me? Stay with me my gentle readers as we look at some similarities of myself and the son of God:

He was always telling stories (I blog)

He was always being harassed by authorities (Damn speeding tickets)

He talked with His hands (I type)

He had wine with every meal (I have Mausen parties)

He lived at home until the age of 30 (I live at home)

He danced and sang in the name of God (I dance in the name of Celia Cruz)

People either hated him or loved him (Everyone Loves Me)

He performed miracles (I make people laugh at work - that's a miracle)

He wore sandals (I wear flip flops)

He was a virgin his whole life (Its been awhile)

What I'm trying to say is....I'm the 2nd coming of Christ. Go & Send No More My Children

So after some great belly laughs at the suckers expense, I head off for a cup of coffee.

DAMMIT!!!!!!

Only paper cups...what the fuck is up with that....who is stocking the cabinets anyways???

I pour myself a nice hot cup of cream with two sweet N lows and splash of coffee and head back to my desk.

After catching up on my blogs, cause Christ knows I know how all my favorite blogs update like every day and it takes forever to catch up on them, I take a sip of my cream with two sweet N lows and a splash of coffee. As I'm reading, I reach for my paper cup of cream with two sweet N lows and a splash of coffee when I barely touch the papercup thus knocking the cup over spilling the hot contents therein all over my khaki pants.

"FUCK!"

"Fuckin papercups!"

If I had a real mug it wouldn't have been so easy to spill the cream with two sweet N lows and a splash of coffee all over my khaki pants!

Dammit!!!!

I end the week with a Mausen Party....8 people total (including me... son of God) with 6 of them being chicks.....

GOOD TIMES!!!!


This Week

I come in on Monday and as usual on a Monday I'm contemplating writing a suicide note with my highlighter on my excel spreadsheet report then stapling my eyelids shut and purposely falling on my scissors.

Someone actually had the fucking nerve to ask, "Does someone have a case of the mondays?" I wanted to lunge at them and scotch tape their mouth shut and lock them up in the janitor supply room and leave them there until Rosita found them at night.....or whatever the janitor's name is.

I go and get some coffee and low and freakin behold, the cabinet is filled with clean company logo mugs. Would have been nice to have these freakin mugs last week. As I'm pouring my cream and emptying two sweet N lows I notice that our snack basket is filled with, pretzels, cookies, fruit bars.

What the hell is going on?

I'm at my desk getting ready to read some blogs when I'm notified that the Big Chalupa is in town from our LA office. Not Grande Papa, which is my boss, the boss of all bosses, but the Big Chalupa - AKA, my firm's C.F.O. Dammit, that means I'm going to have to work on these damn invoices since I won't be able to avoid his phone calls since he can just come and visit me personally to make sure I get them done as soon as possible.

Dammit!

Now I'm going to really fall behind in my blog reading and it is going to take me all of next week to catch up.

Dammit!!!!

That also means no Mausen party this week....

DAMMIT!!!!!

Why God....Dad????

Why do you punish me like this...haven't I already suffered enough?

Let me pray....

Jesus....Self - I ask of you myself to give me strength and fortitude to climb the rock-strewn road. I ask you myself to give me courage so I can scale the hardest peaks alone, and transform every stumbling block into a steppingstone.

Oh who am I kidding - Self, give me the easy way out cause I don't want to have to work harder than I already have to. And I pray of myself to give The Big Chalupa diarrhea and not come back to my office so I can read my favorite blogs without worry.

Thank you me.

Amen.