Dear Timmy....
I want to point some things out really quick - first and almost as important as myself, I am sponsoring a brand new Blogger.
I want everyone to click and read Ramblin Redhead. She's a brand new blogger but she's a really funny chick so she better not humiliate me for sponsoring her.
I've also had some new readers leaving comments and I always like to check out their sites...well, when I get a chance too, I'm still trying to catch up on my regular blogs, but two I want to point out. The other new commenters I'll get too, but you'll just have to wait.
First, Watski he has some great insight on things and is a great writer.
Second, but definitely not least, is Laurie. If you are familiar with Maddox then you will enjoy this blogger. Has Great material.
So...don't embarrass me, go check these people out or I'll FedEx you a used tomato.
{Q}
DEAR TIMMY,
I am a 17-year-old boy, and I have finally found the girl of my dreams. "Kim" is sweet, kind and very cute. She's my first love. I always want to make her happy and I never want to be without her.
There is only one problem. I'll be 18 in a few months. Lisa is only 15 and won't be 16 until next year. I'm afraid people will make us separate because I will soon be an "adult." This just hit me and I'm out on a limb. I love her so much. Is there anything I can do?
Signed,
SHOT IN THE HEART
[ Whether you're searching for Mr. Toilet Seat Down or Ms. Swallow, or if you just need sound advice, relationship and general bullshit expert Timmy is here. ]
{A}
DEAR R. KELLY JR.,
First I have to point out how completely stupid you sound when you say you, "finally found the girl of my dreams". You do know you're only 17 right?
FUCKING 17!!!
I'm 25 and I am still trying to figure out why my work puts bathroom spray inside the stalls when your own smell doesn't bother you. You don't know jack shit little boy.
Since Kim's parents haven't objected to the age difference yet, they probably won't say anything when you turn 18. Are they stupid? Yes, but you should talk to them regarding this and tell them of your concerns. Let them know that Kim is the girl of your dreams (holding in laugh)....it appears that they are not involved in their daughter's life and they don't care what she does so you have nothing to worry about.
~ TIMMY
p.s.
Stay away from my daughter you pervert or I'll snap your cock off.
{Q}
DEAR TIMMY,
I am a 38-year-old divorced mother of two boys, ages 12 and 14. My boyfriend, "Tom," is divorced and has no children. We've been dating for three years. He is my best friend, and we get along great.
I am very much in love with Tom, but he says he will never marry again. I try dating other men, but they don't measure up to Tom. It seems Tom could get along fine without me in his life. I don't feel the same. Tell me, Timmy, what's his problem?
Signed,
WAITING IN THE SOUTHEAST
[ Whether you're searching for Mr. Toilet Seat Down or Ms. Swallow, or if you just need sound advice, relationship and general bullshit expert Timmy is here. ]
{A}
DEAR DUMBASS,
Tom doesn't have a problem. You do. What is your problem? You're a dipshit. You have fallen in love with a man who has made it clear that he is unwilling to make a commitment to you and your two rugrats. You have just reinforced the popular belief that a woman will make a horrible President.
So I applaud you for giving The Women Rights Movement a step backward.
~ TIMMY
{Q}
DEAR TIMMY,
Does a parent have the right to literally slap you in the face? I am in my 40s, and for the past year, when my mom doesn't agree with my opinion, she will slap me in the face.
My family is aware of what's happening, but others are afraid to step in for fear of what she'll do to them. Mom was a bully as a child, and because I am not an aggressive person, she has always intimidated me. When I try to stand up for myself, she laughs and humiliates me.
My mother's attacks are destroying me. I don't know how to handle them. I haven't confided in anyone because I am so ashamed.
Do I have the right to defend myself against my mother?
Signed,
TIRED OF BEING SLAPPED
[ Whether you're searching for Mr. Toilet Seat Down or Ms. Swallow, or if you just need sound advice, relationship and general bullshit expert Timmy is here. ]
{A}
DEAR PANSYASS,
I find it very humorous that you are in your 40's getting bitched slapped by your mom like a cheap hooker.
Im lafingg to haaard to tipe.....Escuuse me wile eyee compose miselff.
Whew, I needed a good laugh, thank you.
You definitely have every right to defend yourself, but not physically, you don't you don't want to do the exact same thing she is doing to you. I suggest you call her doctor and let him/her know that she is a sadistic psycho slapper.
You and your family have every right to be respected...but not when you just stand there taking it like an Iraqi prisoner; if that is the case, then your mom has every right to humiliate you.
~ TIMMY
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