Dear Timmy...

 

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{Q}

DEAR TIMMY,

I have been married to "Ginny" for two happy years. My wife is the best. She's understanding, loving and, most of all, my best friend.

The only problem is her parents. Don't get me wrong, I love them dearly and have known these folks since I was 12. Ginny's dad has been my pastor a good portion of my life in our small town.

What bothers me is the fact that my in-laws won't let us fall down! Whenever Ginny and I are faced with any type of financial difficulty, her parents find out about it and insist on helping us. Well, it doesn't help.

Time after time, I've tried to politely refuse their offers of help, to no avail. They end up giving the money directly to Ginny. Timmy, can you come up with some advice on what I can do?

-- BOTHERED IN NEBRASKA


[ Whether you're searching for Mr. Toilet Seat Down or Ms. Swallow, or if you just need sound advice, relationship and general bullshit expert Timmy is here. ]


{A}

DEAR BALL-LESS,

Take the money and keep your trap shut. What the fuck are you thinking? You're in-laws won't be around forever so take what you can get from them. Be happy your in-laws are giving you money. My parents wouldn't even buy me a pack of Bazooka Gum growing up, and now that I'm older, I'm lucky to get the finger from them.

If you are serious about attempting to make it on your own, tell your in-laws they are endangering your marriage. If your molesting father-in-law pastor is a man of God, he will honor your request as the man of your household and not come between a husband and wife. Remind Ginny that she is no longer a child the next time she is on her knees playing the skin flute. Tell her to grow up and stop asking mommy & daddy for an allowance.

You need to take the dress off, find the balls you obviously lost and tell Ginny to stop spending money and get her ass into the kitchen where it belongs.

~ TIMMY