Prequels Are Genius Arts Of Creativity
Over the weekend I saw Batman Begins. It's all about how Batman.....here's the shocker....Begins. Yes, I know I was completely surprised 
watching the movie as you just were reading that last sentence. All this time I've seen Batman on the TV series, and the other Batmans, I would have never have guessed he was a Ninja in the group called, League of Shadows. If I had only been smarter, I might have figured it out with all the "POW"s and "BANG"s that the TV Show had that Bruce Wayne was really a super power ninja. I guess I'm not smart enough to figure that out sorta like not being smart enough to figure out that Terri Schiavo was brain damaged before the autopsy report came out proving she was, but apparently I'm not.
So as I mentioned, the story was all about the beginning of Batman. The movie was okay - I'm not going to sit here and critique it. Cause honestly it isn't worth my time and it definitely wasn't worth the $10 I spent on it. Why? At the very end, Katie Holmes, who was playing Bruce Wayne's love interest in the movie, turned out to be a typical woman. She should be the symbol of why women shouldn't be allowed to vote. Batman saved her life 3 times through out the movie and when she finally finds out that Bruce Wayne is Batman, what does she do? You guessed it, being a woman she showed her appreciation by kicking him in the gut. And I quote, "The man I love didn't come back." HE SAVED YOUR LIFE 3 FUCKING TIMES .... what the fuck do you mean 'the man I loved never came back.' Typical - she deserves Tom Cruise the twat.
So obviously in the end she doesn't end up with Batman/Bruce Wayne, and if you haven't seen the movie yet and you read that last paragraph.....uhhh, ooops.
Anyways, back to The Prequel.
Hollywood has run out of new and exciting ways to stereotype races by teaming two different races up as co-stars so they have turned to the almighty Prequel.
Cali Hollywood - "Dave Chappelle went on a 'Spiritual retreat' in South Africa? Those crazy negroes - he was supposed to co-star in a new Police Comedy with Nick Lachey. God forbid if we have a book-smart-by-the-rules-black character and a street-smart-whatever-it-takes-white character - I can't have that - what are we going to do?"
Cali Hollywood's Assistant - "How about a prequel?"
Cali Hollywood - "You mean, like a sequel that just explores the origins of previously established characters in a movie that was already released?"
Cali Hollywood's Assistant while snapping some bubble gum - "Yeah."
Cali Hollywood - "Jehovah Almighty!!!! What a fantastic idea! WILL THE CREATIVITY EVER END IN HOLLYWOOD?!!!!!!????!!!!!!....MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!"
Why stop there? Lets continue the exciting prequel trend with more movies. I have taken the liberty to help Hollywood out and list some of the Prequels that I desperately want to see. Please forward this to Cali Hollywood. (Do not email me asking me who Cali Hollywood is – he/she is a fictional character I made up to represent the twats of Hollywood California - if you thought about emailing to ask me who Cali Hollywood is, please leave my website now and never come back).
Titanic (1997)
Titanic: The Beginning
Why was Jack playing cards in the beginning of the movie where he won a ticket on the Titanic that ultimately would cost him his life when the boat sank - did he have a gambling problem? Why and how did Jack become poor? How did Rose become so codependent on her mother that she feels that she has to marry a rich man? Where did all this take place??? These are the burning questions that I must know that only a prequel can answer.
Casablanca (1942)
Casablanca: The Beginning
How could you not have a prequel of Casablanca. "We'll always have Paris, here's looking at you kid." What happened in Paris? "As Time Goes By" is Rick & Lisa's song....how did that come to be? I WANT TO SEE HOW RICK AND LISA FELL IN LOVE IN PARIS. I want to hear Rick say, "Play it again Sam" for the first time. I need and must see. Everyone must know the story before the story. This one is a no brainer.
The Goonies (1985)
The Goonies: The Beginning
Everyone loves the Goonies, and who didn't want to be a Goonie growing up? Exactly, if you didn't want to be a Goonie you were a loser. But how did the Goonies form? What was the motive for the gang and how did the name "Goonie" come to be? Why do they have an Asian Token in the gang but not a Black Token? A prequel is definitely needed to explain these shortcomings in the original film and to further develop the characters.
Psycho (1960)
Psycho: The Beginning
I am absolutely shocked why this one hasn't made it into the prequel realms yet. We could always use another horror flick with a stupid white chick getting naked and lathering herself down in the shower with a psycho killer watching her. I would really like to know what type of relationship Norman Bates had with his mother before she actually died and he dug her body up and had a split personality. I think that would be fascinating to watch as a prequel.
Femme Fatale (2002)
Femme Fatale: The Beginning
Could care less about the story line but always could use another lesbian scene with Rebecca Romjin-Stamos (does she still hyphenate her name?) and we could do the lesbian scene with a prequel.
Pulp Fiction (1994)
Pulp Fiction: The Beginning
Why are two hit men, one being white, and the other being black such good friends? How did they meet? Did they go to Assassination College together? And what really happened to Vince while he was in France? I would love to see him in a French McDonald's trying to order a Quarter Pounder. I'd like a prequel and a Royale With Cheese Supersized please.
The Wizard of Oz (1939)
Why is Dorothy living with Auntie M? What happened to her parents and why is she so close to the ranch hands? Auntie M is a Christian Woman, and yet, when Toto is taken from Dorothy, Auntie M bites her tongue stating, "If I wasn't a Christian Woman...." I want to know why she would bite her tongue as every other Christian Woman I've known is more than willing to stab you in the back with their tongue. Again - a prequel is needed for these timeless unanswered questions.
Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace (1999)
How can you have a prequel to a prequel? Uhhh, Yeah Hi! How could you NOT? How did Count Dooku become the apprentice to Darth Sidious? Why did the once proud Jedi turn to the darkside? Why does one Sith Lord (Darth Maul) look like a devil type of creature while Darth Sidious (The Emperor) look like Dick Cheney? That question still baffles me because it was never answered. We need a prequel to the prequel to have these questions answered.
In about 3 years, I'll be posting a prequel to this post.
watching the movie as you just were reading that last sentence. All this time I've seen Batman on the TV series, and the other Batmans, I would have never have guessed he was a Ninja in the group called, League of Shadows. If I had only been smarter, I might have figured it out with all the "POW"s and "BANG"s that the TV Show had that Bruce Wayne was really a super power ninja. I guess I'm not smart enough to figure that out sorta like not being smart enough to figure out that Terri Schiavo was brain damaged before the autopsy report came out proving she was, but apparently I'm not.So as I mentioned, the story was all about the beginning of Batman. The movie was okay - I'm not going to sit here and critique it. Cause honestly it isn't worth my time and it definitely wasn't worth the $10 I spent on it. Why? At the very end, Katie Holmes, who was playing Bruce Wayne's love interest in the movie, turned out to be a typical woman. She should be the symbol of why women shouldn't be allowed to vote. Batman saved her life 3 times through out the movie and when she finally finds out that Bruce Wayne is Batman, what does she do? You guessed it, being a woman she showed her appreciation by kicking him in the gut. And I quote, "The man I love didn't come back." HE SAVED YOUR LIFE 3 FUCKING TIMES .... what the fuck do you mean 'the man I loved never came back.' Typical - she deserves Tom Cruise the twat.
So obviously in the end she doesn't end up with Batman/Bruce Wayne, and if you haven't seen the movie yet and you read that last paragraph.....uhhh, ooops.
Anyways, back to The Prequel.
Hollywood has run out of new and exciting ways to stereotype races by teaming two different races up as co-stars so they have turned to the almighty Prequel.
Cali Hollywood - "Dave Chappelle went on a 'Spiritual retreat' in South Africa? Those crazy negroes - he was supposed to co-star in a new Police Comedy with Nick Lachey. God forbid if we have a book-smart-by-the-rules-black character and a street-smart-whatever-it-takes-white character - I can't have that - what are we going to do?"
Cali Hollywood's Assistant - "How about a prequel?"
Cali Hollywood - "You mean, like a sequel that just explores the origins of previously established characters in a movie that was already released?"
Cali Hollywood's Assistant while snapping some bubble gum - "Yeah."
Cali Hollywood - "Jehovah Almighty!!!! What a fantastic idea! WILL THE CREATIVITY EVER END IN HOLLYWOOD?!!!!!!????!!!!!!....MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!"
 |  |  |  |
And of course, the first ever Prequel Trilogy - Star Wars. | ||
|  |  |
Why stop there? Lets continue the exciting prequel trend with more movies. I have taken the liberty to help Hollywood out and list some of the Prequels that I desperately want to see. Please forward this to Cali Hollywood. (Do not email me asking me who Cali Hollywood is – he/she is a fictional character I made up to represent the twats of Hollywood California - if you thought about emailing to ask me who Cali Hollywood is, please leave my website now and never come back).
Titanic (1997) Titanic: The Beginning
Why was Jack playing cards in the beginning of the movie where he won a ticket on the Titanic that ultimately would cost him his life when the boat sank - did he have a gambling problem? Why and how did Jack become poor? How did Rose become so codependent on her mother that she feels that she has to marry a rich man? Where did all this take place??? These are the burning questions that I must know that only a prequel can answer.
Casablanca (1942) Casablanca: The Beginning
How could you not have a prequel of Casablanca. "We'll always have Paris, here's looking at you kid." What happened in Paris? "As Time Goes By" is Rick & Lisa's song....how did that come to be? I WANT TO SEE HOW RICK AND LISA FELL IN LOVE IN PARIS. I want to hear Rick say, "Play it again Sam" for the first time. I need and must see. Everyone must know the story before the story. This one is a no brainer.
The Goonies (1985)The Goonies: The Beginning
Everyone loves the Goonies, and who didn't want to be a Goonie growing up? Exactly, if you didn't want to be a Goonie you were a loser. But how did the Goonies form? What was the motive for the gang and how did the name "Goonie" come to be? Why do they have an Asian Token in the gang but not a Black Token? A prequel is definitely needed to explain these shortcomings in the original film and to further develop the characters.
Psycho (1960) Psycho: The Beginning
I am absolutely shocked why this one hasn't made it into the prequel realms yet. We could always use another horror flick with a stupid white chick getting naked and lathering herself down in the shower with a psycho killer watching her. I would really like to know what type of relationship Norman Bates had with his mother before she actually died and he dug her body up and had a split personality. I think that would be fascinating to watch as a prequel.
Femme Fatale (2002)Femme Fatale: The Beginning
Could care less about the story line but always could use another lesbian scene with Rebecca Romjin-Stamos (does she still hyphenate her name?) and we could do the lesbian scene with a prequel.
Pulp Fiction (1994) Pulp Fiction: The Beginning
Why are two hit men, one being white, and the other being black such good friends? How did they meet? Did they go to Assassination College together? And what really happened to Vince while he was in France? I would love to see him in a French McDonald's trying to order a Quarter Pounder. I'd like a prequel and a Royale With Cheese Supersized please.
The Wizard of Oz (1939)Why is Dorothy living with Auntie M? What happened to her parents and why is she so close to the ranch hands? Auntie M is a Christian Woman, and yet, when Toto is taken from Dorothy, Auntie M bites her tongue stating, "If I wasn't a Christian Woman...." I want to know why she would bite her tongue as every other Christian Woman I've known is more than willing to stab you in the back with their tongue. Again - a prequel is needed for these timeless unanswered questions.
Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace (1999)How can you have a prequel to a prequel? Uhhh, Yeah Hi! How could you NOT? How did Count Dooku become the apprentice to Darth Sidious? Why did the once proud Jedi turn to the darkside? Why does one Sith Lord (Darth Maul) look like a devil type of creature while Darth Sidious (The Emperor) look like Dick Cheney? That question still baffles me because it was never answered. We need a prequel to the prequel to have these questions answered.
In about 3 years, I'll be posting a prequel to this post.
<< Home