Job Six Two & Three
My Job Sucks
I've Had Six minus Two years of marriage getting shit on from my ex-wife
I've had Three Shitty Weeks In A Row and I don't see any light
First, I was freaking out in my own warped mind and now shit is hitting the fan on the outside.
During the past couple weeks, I have had the worst possible time. A few days after Christmas I look in the mirror and realize how much of a fucking asshole I really am. You might have known it but I just recently found it out and I felt like kicking an old Italian lady in the fucking crotch because of it.
Not Fun.
Then on News Years Eve I get drunk and pass out on the couch with no pillow and no blankets....WHY DIDN'T I GET A FUCKING BED? Or at least a damn blanket!!!??? ASSHOLES!!!
I was in the company of assholes....but I'm an asshole too apparently so I guess that is okay.
Assholes of a feather, fuck together, or something.
I did wake up with no hangover though because I fucking rock like that. How many of you can say you passed out on a couch with no blanket, no pillow and woke up feeling refreshed and began the morning with a Bloody Mary? Huh? Yeah...I'm practically perfect in every way like that...except the asshole part but that helps me write better and brings you here to read this shit so I guess in the end it works out.
Today I had an appointment with a trainer to get back in shape and put on muscle mass. And if you couldn't tell by this post, I have a lot of aggression to get out. My goal is to weigh 210 ibs with 6% body fat within 6 months, which is totally possible because I'm so awesome and have worked out hard in the past and know what I'm doing.
So as I was driving to work this morning, I looked down to fiddle with my radio and as I looked back up all I see is a sea of brake lights. I hit my brakes and the car in front of me starts turning sideways and I realize that the car in front of me was braking HARD and I was coming up FAST so I slammed on my brakes and slid into her.
BOOM!
My car folded and bent over like a cheap drunk skank on New Years from the impact. My hood in shambles, steam coming out of my car and there was a stench of radiation fluid in the air, my car was wrecked.
I get out of my car and my car looks like I just hit a semi-truck with radiation fluid already running down the highway with a cloud of smoke over my car. Considering how badly my car was damaged in the front, I'm lucky neither of my front airbags deployed because I've always wanted to hit the steering wheel with my face.
I look at the little Toyota Camry I hit and the bumper had some of my paint on it with a little dent.
What the fuck?
I'm happy to announce that everyone who witnessed the accident was on time to work today because not one single person stopped to ask if we were okay, or offer to stay as a witness when the police arrive. Those crazy overachievers.
Highway patrol got us off the freeway and onto a sidestreet. My car chugged along at 15 miles per hour, luckily I was able to drive it because within 5 minutes my car wouldn't even start. As the police were getting the statements from the other two vehicles involved, I was getting my shit out of the car so it could be towed. The tow tuck driver being a big white dumpy looking type of offspring from a brother & sister came up to me and asked, "So what happened? Did that Oriental cut you off? They give us lots of business, those Orientals."
Good to know that racism is still alive and kicking in the real world and not just on my blog. The tow truck driver then sped off with my car leaving me stranded there with a dumbfounded look like I just crossed the boarder and don't know where I'll be sleeping for the night.
The cop shined his badge as he walked up to me and asked for my statement by asking, "What happened?"
"The bitch braked on the highway."
After the cop was done getting my statement, he offered to give me a ride in the pig-mobile to work. I get out of the cop car with my bag and tell the cop thanks. As I walk in, I immediately started getting "moo'ed" at because I was rooting for the Oklahoma Sooners to win the college National Championship Football Game. I quickly reminded them that I won the Orange Bowel with the Sooners on my Playstation 2 so they could fuck off.
On my desk waiting for me, was my brand new Satellite Sirius Radio I purchased.
But now...
NOW I DON'T HAVE A FUCKING CAR TO PUT IT IN!!!!!!!!!
Talk about kicking a beaner while he's down.
There is only one person who can make things better and I wish she was here - she's tall, has green eyes, she's Tamale Lady Beautiful, and has a Ghetto Booty you want to slap all night. But she got attacked by a school of hammer head sharks and she's dead (bonus points if you know the quote of that movie) so I won't be seeing her for awhile.
Why the fuck has God decided to drop his pants and take a giant shit on me? I don't want this SHIT!!!!!
If you have bad news, now is the mother fucking perfect time to tell me. Don't wait because that will just piss me off even more. Tell me now and get it over with.
sadfh as;klfgnawaweo;ru dzdvlxkjfvsdfasdkfjsdlkfj safjsdflkash fkhfaskfhsdkjfas;lf j;lfu3983uto;serj t3498tu 3w;otjw34t4tW#$^W#$t y9tg8uurTUw3eisjdgkflgducgfAEUjTLGF&4uerT:GFU9irfposguhlkv7 4re'otua'weorlutg'peeor8tufg0aurFJ#W$ET#UP(:E$RJGDVMcGUjEPRIFJGNVjhsdlfk/ hsdfklhdsh
PIECCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCE OOOOOOOOF MMMMMMMMMMMMONKEY SHHHHHHHHHHHHHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
This is the first time I wish I was still married so I could go home and beat on something.
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