Tamale Intoxicated Timmy

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I'm getting old my gentle readers.

I know shocking as that sounds considering I'm so dashingly young & handsome.

But alas, tis true.

I've been having these weird urges lately. I've always cast aside the urges from being intoxicated with tamales or something.

The urges may include, but are not limited too:

Buying Depends for myself so I won't have to get up in the middle of the night

Hockin my pants up to the middle of my chest

Blowin air from my ass like a trumpet in a public area without even trying to deny it

Yelling at the little Hispanic kids to get the hell off my property

I don't clip the plastic that holds my shoes together so I'm forced to take tiny quick steps

I keep trying to take my teeth out at night

I tried to subscribe to a magazine titled, "Elderly - Life Without Sex"

I've called my doctor 4 times trying to set up a prostate examination

I keep repeating the phrase, "Life is nifty after fifty"

I'm 1/2 way to fifty and yet, I'm doing these weird things. Those of you over 50, don't be ashamed because 50 isn't old....its uhhhh, ancient.

I haven't realized how old I'm acting until one day I was watching TV in the middle of the day in my bath robe. A commercial comes on for Dodge's Caravan. I'm watching the commercial getting excited.

I'm not proud.

But I got a slight twinge in my pants.

I was excited for this minivan and as if I couldn't stop the words from coming out of my mouth...I shouted, "Minivans are swell, I want one!"

They are so adaptable.

So affordable.

So convenient.

I quickly scanned the room so no one else could see the excitement emanating from my eyes.

How embarrassing.

I was actually thinking of buying a minivan.

Someone slap me. A fucking Minivan???


Supercalafragalisticexpealadocious

I'm going to invent a totally kick ass cock holder. I need one when I'm taking a piss. I love to read, yet, I can't read while I'm at a urinal/toilet cause I need at least one hand holding my cock directing my laser urine into the urinal/toilet.

Title Will Be:

Method & Apparatus For Pulse Template Holder Of The Penile Unit

See what happens when you work for an Intellectual Property Law Firm? You go fucking crazy.

When you work for a Patent Law Firm you don't know what to say.

And what do you say where there is nothing to say?

Supercalafragalisticexpealadocious.

Thats right. You'll feel better.

Supercalafragalisticexpealadocious.

Supercalafragalisticexpealadocious.

As you might have been able to tell, I watched Mary Poppins over the weekend with my Little Curly Top.

Some things I learned while watching the movie as an adult.

Mary Poppins is a stuck up lesbian cunt

However, Mary Poppins is hot for a stuck up lesbian cunt

Jane & Michael (the two kids) are the biggest pansies around self loathing for daddy & mommy's attention. They're not even happy when dad takes them to work!

Mary Poppins is just like me, "Practically Perfect In Every Way"

Bert (Dick Van Dyke) is the biggest molesting pervert since R. Kelly.

Quotes from Bert
** {Singing} You've got to grind, grind, grind, at that grindstone
** You think....you wink...you do a double blink. You close your eyes, and JUMP!
** {Singing} Hello, Miss Corey, I've got one for you. Your daughters were shorter than you, but they grew!


Do you see the underlying message from this sex offender?


Back to my work of writing the specifications for the Method & Apparatus For Pulse Template Holder Of The Penile Unit.

That is all....Good Day Sir!

I SAID GOOD DAY!